DATE: March 18, 2004
TO: God

FROM: Matthew Hochberg
SUBJECT: Prayer #34817

Please respond to my numerous requests for a job offer in the great
state of Florida.  I need to be delivered out of bondage from this
area and start again in the land of sunshine and orange juice. 
Thanks in advance.

P.S. Disregard that memo sent out in 1986 requesting a new He-man sword.

- Matt

Song of the Day: Enrique Iglesias - Not In Love

A funny thing happened to me on the way to the forum
subway....I ran down the stairs of the subway because I heard the train
coming. As I got to the turnstile, some guy was rummaging through his
bag for his metrocard.  I ran past him, swiped my card and as I
got to the doors, I held the doors open for him to get in(just cuz I'm
a super nice guy ).  Well he said
thank you, I nodded and took a seat.  He then came over, sat
across from me, thanked me again and handed me a print out. I was
thinking "Oh great, now I helped out a friggin Jew for Jesus or Jehovas
Witness" but it turned out to be a printout from Forbes.com about
global warming  Is it common practice
to hand out environmental fliers for holding doors on the subway open
now?  Thank god I got off at the next stop.Whatever, now I'm just
gonna hold doors open for hot women.

Well Homer's visit didn't go quite as well as I planned. He was so
nervous the entire time that it was more annoying that anything. 
When he first came into the apartment, I swear he ran to every corner
in about 4 seconds and had a look on his face like "Thats it?!". 
Plus the next morning he decided to wake me up at 7am to go take a
shit.  I took him out and he dropped one on a tree in front of the
church.  I looked around and the coast was clear so I fled the
area....that's right, I'm a real rebel.

Well I'm on Spring Break and I reeeeeeeally wish I was somewhere warm.
Bah, I'll enjoy staying up late, playing video games and then sleeping
all day.  And my mom informs me it is supposed to snow tomorrow or
something so I'll enjoy the weather.  But hey, if you're looking
for someone to go do something with this week, give me a call

Song of the Day: AC/DC - If You Want Blood(You Got It)

After today I'll be on spring break. I should be excited and happy but
I'm not. I'm not going anywhere special and I won't be coming back with
a great tan.  I think I'm going to
visit John and Carrie in Maryland but that's not exactly spring
breakish fun.  I yearn for sandy beaches in a warm state with a
view of the ocean and an alcoholic beverage in my hand.

At least Homer is coming to stay with me this weekend!  That's
right, I'll finally fit in with the Park Slope crowd by having a dog.
Now all I need is a stroller and a baby....
I'm not sure what I'll do with him because if I bring him to the park,
I know he'll drop a deuce and I don't feel like pickng up crap. 
Regardless, feel free to come over and visit

Song of the Day: Black Eyed Peas - Hey Mama

Another weekend gone by.  The first part of it I spent giving
tours. Friday night was the Scholarship Dinner(not for me....I wish)
where I got spiffied out for.  I opted to go for total yuppy by
wearing a button down collared shirt and tie with a sweater over it,
& khaki pants from Express.  Let me tell you, I could have
easily passed for a Chip or a Trevor.  
Saturday I gave another tour and if I can act like a 13 year  old
girl for a moment, there was this girl who I gave a tour to months ago
who showed up again for another tour and she's such a cutie.  Ah,
to be a freshman again. 

Anyway, the rest of the weekend I spent nursing my injured heels(which
still hurt!) and watching movies.  I saw Barber Shop(again), Phone
Booth, Basic and Being John Malkovich(again).  Phone Booth was
good, but the end was a bit disturbing.  Basic was good however
they had plot twists for the sake of plot twists which detracted from
the movie.  And I stayed up until 3 last night watching Being John
Malkovich even though I had seen it just cuz it's such a weird but good
movie. It's no biggie cuz I just skipped Art this morning and slept
through till work.

Song of the Day: Usher - Yeah

New shoes suck.  Especially ones that are too small.  I'm now
the proud owner of a size too small shoes and blisters the size of
montana on my heels which makes walking very, very painful.  I'm
gonna try to get them exchanged but in the meantime I look like I have
rickets with the way I walk. Who wants to kiss them(or anywhere else)
to make it feel better?

And whoever caused a ruckus on the 4 line causing no Lexington ave service into manhattan....screw you dude.

Song of the Day: Creedence Clearwater Revival - Have You Ever Seen the Rain

I saw a great movie last night, Club Dread.  It's by the same
group that made Super Troopers, and much like Super Troopers much of
the humor is not laugh out loud funny as it is subtley funny, but it
had its moment(The guy who plays the spanish dude is hillarious). 
I highly recommend seeing this movie over that other flick about that
Jew...

My parents decided to drop $600 on Yanks/Red sox box seats, row
A!  And the day before, I bought tickets to see my beloved Marlins
play the Mets so I'm going to two games this season so far. I'd like to
go see another game when the season starts but I seem to be fresh out
of people to go with. So I guess if you're interested, let me know.

Song of the Day: Soggy Bottom Boys - Man of Constant Sorrow

Looks like I'm not going on spring break this year.  No real
reason why not, it's just one of those things that no matter how much
you try to get your ass in gear about it, it just wont work. 
Plus, the idea of saving some money and instead be able to make little
purchases is more appealing to me.  Maybe I'll go visit someone or
something, who knows.

If you're looking for me this weekend, I'll be in Connecticut

Song of the Day: Van Halen - Jamie's Cryin

It's official...I'm a match.com whore.  I admit my floosiness and
hope one day I can mend my ways.  In the meantime, I'm like the
match.com posterchild...I take all the dumb quizes, surverys and like
update my profile hourly.  It's pretty sad(and stupid) but
whatever.

And I'm happy to report that I went out every night this weekend and
was quite social.  Thursday night I just went out to Yoros, Friday
night I went to Yoros and then Lobby, although when we got there we
were told we'd have to pay(after first being told we wouldn't have to)
so me and Spock went and saw Miracle. Saturday night I went with Ameoba
to Deep.  I had a fairly good time...well, as good a time as you
can have without leaving with a girl.  Although I was quite slick
and managed to sneak into the VIP section and then hit on a great
looking girl. It would have worked out too but I had no money and
couldn't use the golden line of "Can I buy you a drink?" and so when
her friends reappeared, she dissapeared.  Anywho, it was a good
weekend.

I think my left eye is slowly dieing...it's all red and shit and
contrary to Ben Stein's claims, Visine does not remove red eye. 
It's not pink eye cuz it doesn't itch or anything, it's just red. Maybe
I'll get a patch for it and finally go through with my life long dream
of being a pirate(not of the anal variety....the plundering and
pillaging type).

Song of the Day: Mama's and the Papa's - Monday, Monday

I saw two pretty good movies recently.  Last night I saw The
Fugitive and let me tell you, it's just great.  Besides, if you
ever plan on running from the law, that is the movie to emulate. 
The other movie I saw was Daredevil. I heard bad things about it but I
found it surprisingly good.  It's not your traditional super hero
movie(i.e. Xmen or Spiderman)....it's different in that the "hero" acts
like anyone might act...with anger and vengeance.  I thought it
was different and original and not half as boring as the Hulk.

Blah, there are times I'm dissapointed with how things go in life in
general and these are on of these times. But as my horoscope says, "The
world was, is, and always will be a great place".  Riiiight, well
right now it's stretching the definition of great. 

Song of the Day: Roy Orbison - Only the Lonely

If you’re not the one then why does my soul feel glad today?

If you’re not the one then why does my hand fit yours this way?

If you are not mine then why does your heart return my call

If you are not mine would I have the strength to stand at all

I don’t want to run away but I can’t take it, I don’t understand

If I’m not made for you then why does my heart tell me that I am

Is there any way that I